Is it just myself?

Every so often I get the wonderful tingling in my fingertips when I know it's time to get something up onto here and just go with the flow. I hate trying to stick to making posts on here regularly like other people. When I feel like I have the creativity to type something that may grab the attention of people or just to get people thinking about the messages and purpose I have of using this website.

I'm not on here to create posts about fashion, make-up, or music. That's just not who I am and i find it extremely boring unless something has really grabbed my attention.
Right now I find it very hard to concentrate on one thing for a long time, hell, it will probably take me a while to do this even though I have a rough idea of what needs to be typed out.

Looking back at the start of 2013 I had such determination to do things and to push myself to improve my well-being. But due to a family death and that causing a landslide of other problems I'm now forcing myself to face, I know it will be a while till I get back that exact determination I had just a few months ago. My life is pretty much at a standstill with a lack of income and happiness.
But I know I'll get there, and that's what I love about my mind nowadays. I know things are rather dull at the moment, but I can always see that glimmer of hope that I keep fighting for.

I've learnt that mind over matter is just so crucial to me now. I would rather surround myself with the people I now call friends and the constant gluing and fixing on my mental health, than totally ignore it as I have done since last year as it poisons your mind and eventually you can just become that empty person just full of hate/confusion/sadness. I've chosen to fight that.

I know most the time my blog posts are never really that light hearted, but I'm just that one person who is trying to do good in the world and I find being open can not only help yourself, but so many other's alike.


Keep safe and loved x

Gone, Never Forgotten.

So tomorrow on February 8th 2013 I will be saying good bye to my little sister's dad Tony.
For those who never got the chance to meet him, you really did miss out big time on meeting a computer and motorbike mad guy.
He first came into my life when I was 5 and obviously as him being my mum's partner I was confused as hell as to who this guy was. But I know that I instantly took a shining to him and quickly started to grow in admiration towards him.

From a young age Tony brought me up as his own. And I know he has always thought that he has 2 daughter's not one. For my sixth birthday all my family went up to Scotland for the week and my best memories from then are me sitting on Tony's shoulders while in a field surrounded by very angry and annoyed sheep and had a stick to keep them back and me away from harm.
We walked through a field of cows and I, as usual found a 'Pob stick' - Pob was Tony's friend, and I insisted on finding a good stick so I could hit Pob with it next time I saw him - and that was always our little thing we would do wherever we went.
He gave me my love for motor sports and indoor rock climbing which I used to do quite a lot when younger, again it was bonding time for us.
Because of Tony, I have my love for Nirvana, Queen, David Bowie and The Prodigy.

When my little sister Catherine was born, he seemed so happy to have such a wonderful little girl, and of course the first girl on his side of the family in quite a while. She is still today and probably forever always going to be his 'little spud' as he always used to call her.

When him and my mum separated, I turned very cold towards him, and only the past year I had found that natural love for him again. I really regret that, a lot.
But as the world is cruel, he died suddenly of a blood clot in his heart on Saturday 26th January. I don't want to write anything except that about his death because I want to respect my little sister and also Tony's family.

That Saturday my world really did fall apart, and I'm still not sure if i've even accepted that yet.

But my love goes out to my extended family on Tony's side.
But most of all to my special, brave and strong little sister, Catherine.

Don't ever take people or life for granted, it's just too short x

2 0 1 3; It's MY year.

Bit of a late one, but, WELCOME TO 2013!
I hope that the celebrations of Christmas and New Year didn't leave you unsatisfied or not making any pointless New Year resolutions that are certainly made every year.

Looking back on 2012 I think I can say it had more downs than up's. Yet also, I was doing more things that I had wanted to do. My medication meant I was doing things with my family, going out, having lovely days away in Edinburgh and Isle of Skye.
Towards the end of the year my mental well being isn't where I had expected it to be and, so yet again I'm trying to do the things to make me happy, yet also I'm really taking Therapy seriously this year. So far after 2 sessions I'm opening up and admitting things to myself which i had locked away and infested my mind and happiness.

So last week I had made a promise to myself to go ahead with the impulses i've had over time.

• Started with cutting my fringe a lot shorter. Again the little things can make an improvement on happiness and wellbeing. 
• Tomorrow I go to Chester to see Izzy yet also get my Septum pierced, which I have always wanted since I was 13/14 (sorry mum!)
• Start going out with my camera when we have sun and just capturing beauty in it's moment.
• Visit our local Kailish Buddhist Centre a few times a month.
• Take Ant's dog out for a walk once or twice a week down to the beach. 
• Get a proper undercut
• Get a job and remain stress free
• Maintain a good weight and good health
• Exercise a hell of a lot more than what i am at the moment.

I wonder if any of you guys have some new plans for the new year, to change yourself or your surroundings to be happier or more content?
Share your idea's and thoughts and peaceful and joyous 2013!

Gaining.

I thought I'd create this post as I know people have approached me on how I gained weight and the mentality I put myself into. I spent months trying to find the right method for me so I think it would be helpful as not many websites are widely available for the recover process on gaining weight and the feelings that come along with it.

First of all I am in no way a medical professional, so if you are suffering from an Eating Disorder and/or underweight, then I suggest you go to your local GP and get the right care and help before anything else.

After starting my Therapy for my Eating Disorder I was given a list of changes I should make to my diet and also an eating plan so I had the right food groups. For every meal I had to have dairy, protein and carbohydrates, which to be honest I thought would be easy, but having to have 3 meals a day plus 4 snacks a day...i'd never been so shocked in my life.
I was told to change from semi-skimmed milk to full fat milk, yet to also fortify everything. Cheese on cheese, powdered milk in milk, those were the things i just could not push myself to do.
I was not allowed to have fruit as a snack, that would just be something i eat at any time during the day, yet also i couldn't really have crisps etc. Rice pudding, yoghurt's, biscuits, and oat bars started consuming my life as my snack because they were so high in calories and good fats.
There was no perfect journey for me, relapses, tears and arguments with my mother were constantly there.
After quite a bad relapse and going down near enough to my original weight, i decided to start looking at different shakes, as protein didn't do a single thing for me and just made me feel really ill.
One day myself and my mum went to the shops and looked down the health isle and we came across a make called Complan and they had a variety of powdered shakes and even soups. After discussing these with my doctor we had decided that i would start taking them with milk twice a day, with breakfast and with tea in hope of me gaining weight that i really needed to be put back on.

If anyone comes to ask me about gaining weight i ALWAYS recommend complan. The sheer fact it helped me, but also tasted damn good, really did do the trick for me and it helped me a lot during me recovery and to keep on gaining weight.

If you have read this and would like more information/advice or even just someone to talk to, contact me at emmavickers998@hotmail.com and i am always happy to answer questions in any shape or form.

A little thought

I lie here with my bright twinkling lights wondering when I'll be taken away to me dream land. Yet the 5/6 hours I have slept during the day have seeming to of taken it's unappreciated toll on my mind and body.
Thoughts such as our constillations we see, how much I want a Clementine and also my possible future in Europe seemed to of settled in on my mind instead of counting those boring and stupid sheep we always get told about when trying to drift off.

My relationships and trust with the male form are really on a knife's edge this year. I've fallen in and out of love, been disowned by a parent and been cancelled on more than I even dare to recall.
Sure we women are never perfect, we have our sudden mood switches, the love of heels and bags and spend half of our life making ourselves feel better about our appearance. Yet men, how do I explain you from my experience?
All faith seems to of been destroyed in the past 5 months.
I hope one day I can get an apology from a few, but let's be honest, you never know you do something wrong unless we light it up in neon lights

Latex; Fetish or Fashion?

Latex has been in our lives since the start of the 1900's. For Wellies, protective clothing and gas masks, yet if you bring it up in a conversation, you're bound to get some mighty strange looks.

Mention latex and fetish's, BDSM, and the video after video of pornography containing models head to toe - literally - will certainly come into people's minds straight away. Cat suits, wedding dresses, bikini's and stockings have been produced and are very easily available if you type into Google - with care - and so many different varieties of latex fashion sites display.

One reason why latex, and other tight shiny fabrics may be fetishised is perhaps that the garment forms a "second skin". Meaning, wearers of skin-tight latex or PVC garments may be perceived by someone as being naked, or simply coated in a shiny substance like paint. Latex and PVC can also be polished to be shiny and can also be produced in bright colours, adding further visual pleasures to add to the physical sensations produced by the material.

 A while ago I had stumbled upon a video that showed the application of wearing latex, sounds cheap or nasty but it was so elegant and beautiful and I think from then the ever growing and popularising latex fashion had me captivated. After spending well over an hour on a friends wall I actually found the video that I had posted.

Atsuko Kudo is ultimate Haute Courture, who designs latex ladieswear which has different clothing/accessories and also latex designs such as lace and also have a collection of animal prints in store at the moment.

Lady Gaga is one of the main celebrities who has shown the public that latex doesn't have to be sexual or a fetish. You can feel empowered by the fact you can wear even just the smallest latex gloves with a killer dress and you'd ooze confidence.  Many other celeb's have been photographed wearing Kudos' creations. 

Pictured Above: Beyonce, Kate Moss, Dani Minogue, Lady Gaga.

For me, Latex is no longer just for the fetishes. It's for the confidence, the sexiness and the chance to wear something that will make you feel amazing.

Project Unbreakable; Standing Up

 October 2011, Grace Brown created Project Unbreakable. A supportive and strong way of helping survivors of Sexual Assault by photographing them holding a poster with a quote from them, the Assaulter or even friends and family.
After knowing people close to her who are victims and survivors, she sadly realised how common a tragedy Sexual Assault is, just still as Taboo subject as ever.
Statistics within the UK for Sexual Assault, and anywhere else are never 100% well known because only a minute fraction of survivors actually tell someone about it.

• Approx 400,000 women every year have expreienced Sexual Assault and 80,000 women EVERY YEAR are raped.
• 85% of rapists are known to the victims.

No one deserves it. No, means NO.

But also to anyone who has been a victim, you are a survivor. Whether you report an incident or not, you should be proud of the strong person you are. And you should never feel guilty of being raped.
A boyfriend, a stranger, a family member, a best friend, they should never take advantage of you. If you are drunk, wearing revealing clothing, again I cannot stress how it is never our fault.

There are so many websites for help and advice
http://projectunbreakable.tumblr.com/
http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/index.php
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
http://www.victimsupport.org.uk/Help%20for%20victims/Different%20types%20of%20crime/Rape%20sexual%20assault%20women